Let’s talk about invisibility for solo women travellers.
Have you ever felt invisible as a woman when you travel? Particularly if you’re *ahem [coughing fit]* of a so-called certain age? (Yes, I hate that phrase too, but stick with me for a minute.) In other words, older than 40ish?
As a woman in her 50s, some days I may as well be wearing an invisibility cloak. If you think that sounds like it’s come out of Harry Potter, I can assure you it’s not. It’s very real. Something that many women deal with day to day, and that almost all of us come across after 40.
Putting on my invisibility cloak
It’s not just when travelling. It’s most days, anywhere in the world. It’s a well-known fact that in midlife, women become invisible to many. It can be a disconcerting feeling, and many women I’ve spoken to feel like their role in the world has suddenly disappeared, or certainly diminished – just when they have the most to offer. In my previous office life there came a point where I was overlooked in meetings; when men would repeat exactly what I’d just said (and been ignored) only to be told it was a great idea!
So it’s no surprise to find that it happens while I’m on the road too. Culture plays a role, so if you’re in, say, Asia or Africa the chances of it happening are lower (think village elders and you get the picture). This is because older people are more respected and younger generations understand that there is a level of experience and knowledge there that they don’t yet have.
But among western cultures and travellers it can be a different story.
It’s no secret that I love staying in hostels. I’m often one of the oldest people around (though certainly not always and I can even bring the average age down!). But inevitably, younger travellers dominate, and that’s partly why I love hostels. I find younger travellers energising. They can teach me a lot about life in their shoes: what brought them to a place; what people in their age groups are up to; what I can learn from them about how travel has changed; and (importantly!) what new apps and tech I’ve missed that make travel easier.
Dealing with it while on the road
My recent travels took me to Nepal, where I rubbed shoulders with switched-on 19-year-olds and obtuse 30-somethings. So far, so normal.
Here’s what’s funny though. There are those travellers who will gravitate towards an older person either because they are interested in what they have to say or because they need some support. I was ‘adopted’ by a brilliant young couple in Mexico, who made my trip so much more memorable. I swapped work and travel stories with a trekker over beers in Kathmandu and we found we had so much in common, I almost asked if they knew some of my friends who worked in the same industry! And I’ve been a shoulder to cry on more than once for tired first-time backpackers.
Then there are those who will reply when spoken to (and always politely), then act as though you’re not there. Until someone else engages with you, at which point they realise that maybe you aren’t a boring old fart trying to recapture your youth after all. You’re a bona fide traveller with their own story to tell and a lifetime of experience.
Why am I telling you all this?
Two reasons: Firstly, to let you know you’re not alone if this is starting to happen to you. If it does, it’s not you; it’s them. Sooner or later someone will come along who you will click with, I promise, and that invisible feeling will instantly disappear. That couple I met in Mexico? We’re still in touch. Many who follow me on social media message me when they’re in the same country on the off-chance we can meet up (and I get in touch with them too if I know I’ll be where they are – it works both ways).
Secondly, because it can be a good thing too. Moving around under the radar is often preferable to drawing attention. I get a lot less hassle nowadays than I used to from locals and other travellers alike. Fewer stares and fewer probing, very personal questions that I have to find ways to politely dodge so I don’t offend. So if it’s happening, embrace the good parts of it and bide your time until the right people come along for company.
Perhaps there’s a third reason too. If you’re a younger traveller reading this, next time you meet an older fellow traveller in your hostel or tour group, don’t ignore them. Engage with them. Ask questions. Find out what makes them tick. Chances are they’ve got some interesting things to say and the odd hilarious story to share. After all, they’re on the other side of the world from home, just like you are. And they’ve probably been doing it for longer. Who knows, you may even learn something!